April 18, 2008

New Brew: Israel Pale Ale

Having your ass over for Passover…

We see no better opportunity than to make beer on a day celebrating plagues, Charlton Heston, God's idiotic showboating, and sweet, sweet freedom. Having dated a Jewish girl once, I can attest that they are a wonderful people -- even if she did do meshugganah things to my wee-wee with her braces. But I digress yet again. This day we make Israel Pale Ale!

Being a couple of first-born gentiles, we thought it prudent to have some lamb on the grill just in case the angel of death drops by. And since most reputable rabbis are busy, we're enlisting the help of an alternate to bless the carboys. At least he looks Jewish, has David for a middle name and often complains of chronic diaspora. In actuality, he'll probably just stand around and drink beer while mumbling words like Deuteronomy, Schlemiel, and Sammy Davis Jr.

On to the beer.

Obviously, like the waters of the Nile transformed into blood (good one, Yahweh), it will need to be red. I don't like beets (Feh!), so we'll go with some Billy Crystal malt there. Add copious amounts of Land of Milk and Honey malt and a touch of rye… Then, all we have to do is wait for a Bob Dylan song to play before solemnly tossing some Matzoh bread into the mash tun! And, let's not forget those bitter herbs. Our usual bitter herb (Mr. Hopstein) will be joined by dandelion and endive -- two acceptable forms of Seder Maror (I checked with an expert). Finally, we need a way to sneak parsley in there somewhere --- possibly at finishing.

Hopefully, we'll have a Jew of a brew to take with us as we wander the desert in search of pastrami.

OG=1.06 IBU=59 SRM=12