New Brew: taIPAn

Taipans are large, venomous snakes endemic to Australia. The IPA is a style of beer endemic to our refrigerators. Plus, we're dangerously low on 71. As I am not yet brave enough to put vegemite into a brew, I settled on kiwi fruit. No Simcoe was spared for this one. It did all the work for bittering and flavor. At knockout, an ounce of Cascades went in to steep for twenty minutes along with sixteen kiwis which were brutally flayed alive and roughly chopped. A taste of the sweet wort set our anticipation levels to high. The current state of fermentation is one of most violent we've seen.

Okay, now let's get down to brass tacks. We've eaten a lot of weird things over the years, but sometimes the line of decency is crossed and all decorum vanishes. Yes, even I gave pause and nearly fell ill upon witnessing one of the most repulsive feats of gastronomic criminality to date.

SOMEONE PUT MAYONNAISE ON AN ITALIAN SAUSAGE

I can't even type it without gagging a little. And to make matters worse, a Janis Joplin song came on about mid-sausage. I contemplated getting down on all fours in the yard and eating grass in hopes of a cathartic vomit session. Sometimes great institutions arise from trauma, so check your mail for the first ever Porch Demerit.

OG=1.065 IBU=65 SRM=10